With life itself, I refer to all the things everybody does and no one wants to talk about, at least not publicly or outside an academic framework I should say.
Friendship. Love. Heartbreak. Budget keeping. Living with rommates, coping with family disputes. Anxiety. Shame. (In)Security. You see where this is going? Education lacks a philosophical guideline on how to actually live 'properly'.
These topics, on a sensitive level, are not embedded in some curriculum, they are implicitly expected to be "learned", comprehended via actually experiencing them. Which may appear as a reasonable approach, after all there's so much to be learned about elaborated know-how only teachers can explain that these sorts of things belong to mothers and fathers, they ought to be discussed among families and friends, not in the classroom. And after all, that's private stuff, why would I want to discuss such things in public?
I'm not convinced by this approach, for various reasons.
1) No one has a clue what they're doing.
I'm a big fan of the enlightenment, don't get me wrong. Freedom of the mind, democrazy, rationality paired with philosophy and art, sapere aude - great great, wonderful stuff, love it. I however resent this notion of the 18th century that humans are on a fundamental level rational, reasonable beings who, when educated in the right manner, know who they are and what they're doing with solid certainty. Modern findings in fields like neurobiology, psychology or the social studies in general show us that this is far from the truth. We are moody due to our hormonal balance, we unconsciously act on primitive instincts, we may have knowledge about something and still act against it based on an emotional impulse etc. etc.
On a scale from Neanderthal to homo sapiens, we are some kind of fearful ape struggling with existential problems on a daily basis. And even more problematic, these issues are handed down to us by a tradition of not dealing with them. Family history often marks the birthplace for many mental problems simply for the reason everyone's too ashamed to talk freely about them. This ranges from lesser troubles like weight problems to denial of family violence. ("What, no, of course my ancestors were against slavery/nazis/colonization/the thing which is evil now!")
2) We are alone.
Lonely too, sadly. When people try - really try - to understand themselves as well as others, they often realize that this story of stepping in another one's footsteps is quite the tough task. Everyone has his/her own imagination of reality, based on biological differences, social constructs, personal experiences. One can never understand another person to the core. Which isn't even necessary, there lies a much bigger problem at hand. Many people in "modern", industrial countries lack deep friendships or deep relationships with other humans in general. A 2012 poll from BBC attested one quarter to one third of all Londoners chronic loneliness.1 We often have no one to talk to which poses a crucial threat because ...
3) ... "pain demands to be felt."2
Society tends to emphasize 'the bright side of life'. We're told not to worry and be happy instead, to stand up for ourselves and live life to the fullest. Well guess what, it's not that easy, and no one actually believes it to be. How many people can say that they love themselves unconditionally (which, as modern social science proclaims, is an essential ability to be compassionate and empathetic)? How many people can say that they don't suffer from feelings of shame, misunderstanding or personal inadequacies? (Not many I hope since those feelings are proof you're not a sociopath.) How many people can say that they have a functioning and loving family life?
Do you have someone in your life with whom you can share the dark things lurking under the mask you put on for others? The people who lack that special someone are faced with the problem of coping with life unable to address their existential problems, which leads to many dangerous outcomes, one being addiction, in a broad sense. Addiction can be seen as chronical numbing, occuring in many facets. Alcoholic disease, eating disorders, drug abuse, binge-watching, compulsive gambling ... The point is: Due to lack of social connection, we numb our problems thus threatening the health of our psyche. Unexpressed issues flourish on not being expressed, they thrive on secrecy.
For all these reasons, I firmly believe in a necessary paradigm shift concerning our approach as a society in general to deal with existential3 problems of humankind. We are biologically hardwired for connection, we are higher mammals with an elaborated sense for social interactions. If we raised a new generation with a mindset enabling them to speak freely about things today deemed as 'personal matter only' and an educational system supporting this mindset, I believe we could become a truly open-minded, compassionate species. Bigger problems beyond our personal scope would also benefit from this approach as we could deal with them more focussedly. If there lurks an unsolved chaos inside of you, you can never concern yourself with climate change fully devoted to the cause.
Clarification: I'm not saying you're obliged to tell every stranger your deepest secrets or break down crying in front of your boss because you've experienced impotence last night. BUT, a big fat but, I think we should live in a societal arrangement where it would be deeply understandable if you did so. An environment in which vulnerabilty and honesty would not be seen as some sort of weakness, rather as strength and courage.
To conclude: It's not like we'd have to invent a totally new realm of thought for these changes to happen. Thousands of years ago, humans have developed a lovely thing called philosophy. While being present at all times and underlaying every society, philosophy throughout history tends to appear somewhat washy and blurry between religious, economic and scientific developments. I believe we should pay more attention to it. Despite all the fancy indiviualism nowadays, humans need guidelines, we long for narratives to locate ourselves in this big, messy world we happen to exist in.
So why not share our stories?
1
2 Quote from "The Fault in Our Stars" by John Green
2 Quote from "The Fault in Our Stars" by John Green
3 Yeah, I like that word.
Keep writing! This is some quite inspiring stuff. It also seems very much from-the-heart.
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